Summoner Pickle's Pilgrimage
by CrayonGoddess
Summary: Basically a messed up version of Final Fantasy 10. Characters are now objects. Follows Lady Pickle on her pilgrimage to Dairy Queen.
1. Default Chapter

_First off, I credit my friends for supporting my stupidity and laughing along throughout my unmakingsenseness. Secondly, any lack of making sense found in this fic is purely my fault and I take no responsibilty for anything resulting in the reading of the fic. Hope everyone likes it. The result of me being left alone on a computer after drinking a bunch of soda and my friend having a ROTFLMAO! away message. Enjoy!_

I'm gonna tell you all a story! The story of my pilgrimage. How I went to Dairy Queen and became High Summoner Pickle! Told by me, High Summoner Pickle lady!

:applause:

Our story begins in the McDonalds parking lot where we meet Summoner Pickle and her guardians: Mustard, Onion, Pepsi, and...the others. Pickle is really a beautiful faerie princess who wants to go home to Zanarkand where she can become high...summoner that is.

Mustard is a strange looking man who seems to enjoy playing with blitzballs. He walks around with a cow on his head.

Pepsi is a tall fluffy glass of old Pepsi. He enjoys making random growling noises

I FORGOT ONION! Onion is a smelly old woman who is secretly in love with Pepsi, but nobody realizes this.

Mustard is out playing with a blitzball one day and a mysterious Leaf floats into the parking lot.  
Mustard runs away in fear for his cow, but the leaf lands on his head anyway. Mustard screams and the Leaf says, "I am looking for a Pickle to follow around and eventually go to Macalania with and then I will fade away. Mustard is confused by all of Leaf's big words and says "We have a Pickle, but she has not yet returned from the Cat of Trials."

This enraged Leaf and Leaf jumps into the Cat's mouth. Mustard follows Leaf and they both search through the Cat, in a trial to find Pickle.

After searching for a very long time they come across Onion and Pepsi who are upset because they are being digested by the cat.

Everyone in the Cat screams for 10 minutes

Pepsi makes a low growling noise. Onion looks at Pepsi and drools because he's just so darn cute. Pepsi notices Onion drooling and growls again then he pokes Onion and throws her towards where Pickle went before.

There was a loud thud which caused pickle to come out of the Cat's spleen. She walks over to Leaf and gives him a big kiss, even though she has no idea who he is.

Suddenly, a piece of Macaroni walks into the room and says, "Pickley! I am your cousin Macaroni! Your boyfriend is so cute!"

Pickle remains preoccupied by Leaf.

They all realize that the cat is moving, and all scream for 10 minutes again. Well actually, Pepsi just growls and onion drools. Then they realize that the cat has taken them to Dairy Queen.

Macaroni dances to entertain them for about 20 minutes.

They all climb out of the cat and get ice cream. Pickle and leaf kiss again. Pickle forgot all about her pilgrimage until leaf says that the chocolate ice cream is making him fade away.

Pickle cries and tries to hug leaf, unfortunately he rips into two halves. This leads to a very confusing good bye.

Leaf is carried away by the wind.

Pepsi cries, which causes Onion to drool. Macaroni dances again and hugs Pepsi. Onion gets jealous of Macaroni and feeds her to an elephant.

Onion is about to tell Pepsi how she really feels about him, when she is blown away by the same wind that took Leaf.

Pepsi and Pickle are alone and decide to hug. Since they are the only two remaining, they decide to get married. Actually pickle decides, Pepsi just growls.

Leaf's two halves and Onion meet while being carried by the wind. They give up on their previous obsessions and decide to get married.

Macaroni, having escaped the elephant, dances with the Cat's brain.

The Dairy Queen parking lot is now empty and the story appears to be over.

Suddenly! A piece of Broccoli crashes into the pavement and is knocked unconscious. A rabbit hops over to him. "Silly old man, your speediness got the best of u." The rabbit eats broccoli.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, very much! That's my story and I'll be here all week!


	2. Mustard and Macaroni

Part 2 of My Happy Story!

The weddings were over and the couples were content, but what ever happened to mustard?

Mustard had slipped away when he saw that he was losing his precious Onion. He had now been traveling for days and could not figure out where he was. Suddenly, he sees a familiar Cat and smiles remembering the pilgrimage to Dairy Queen. Mustard wished that Onion and him could have gone to Macarena like Pickle and Leaf had plotted to do.

He wished the pilgrimage would have been longer; it seemed that they had traveled all across Sporka in a matter of minutes. Anyway, mustard walks up to the Cat to greet it. He is immediately eaten.

Mustard sits inside the Cat crying, and thinking he will forever be alone. Then he hears a familiar voice singing a song about a watch. Mustard walks toward the singing and finds Macaroni dancing with the Cat's spleen.

Macaroni is happy to see Mustard again and instantly admits how she always had a crush on him throughout the five minute pilgrimage. Mustard hugs Macaroni and whispers under his breath, "Looks like we're the only one's not paired up."

Macaroni responds, "Broccoli, whom I have never met and have no idea exists, never even showed up, so he's in the same boat as us."

Mustard is confused by what Macaroni has just said and looks around for a boat. Macaroni looks deeply into Mustard's eyes and says "Can I ask for a huge favor."

Mustard stares into Macaroni's eyes and says "anything you want."

Macaroni says "Can I ride on your head, in place of your cow?"

Mustard thinks about this for a long time before replying, "This would be the first time me and my cow have been parted."

Macaroni puts on her best pouting face and looks at him pathetically. Mustard gives in and takes the cow off his head. Macaroni instantly jumps onto mustard's head.

Tune in next week, or later this week, for the next exciting part of My Happy Story coughmessed up ffcough


	3. Leaf, Onion, and a little bit of Pine Co...

The wind that Leaf and Onion are caught in dies down. The two scream as they free fall toward the ground. Amazingly enough, the impact when they hit the ground is enough to put Leaf's two halves back together.

Well, that and someone's old gum stuck to the sidewalk.

Leaf screams, "The sidewalk is eating me! The sidewalk is eating me!" Onion stares blankly at Leaf, forgetting who he is. Onion walks away humming, "Bob the Builder. Can we fix it? Bob the Builder. Yes we can!"

Leaf calls out for help as he's stuck to the sidewalk. Soon, a rabbit comes along. The rabbit sniffs at Leaf for a moment and then eats him.

Inside the bunny, Leaf does his happy victory dance of freedom from the gum and being back in one piece still. As he's dancing, he notices Broccoli tied to one of the bunny's ribs.

A voice calls out from the shadows saying, "You took my Pickle, Leaf. Now I want her back."

Leaf continues his happy victory dance that he had learned from Macaroni, "Go ahead and take her. My one true love is and always shall be…" His expression turns from happy to confused. He stands there trying to think of Onion's name and drools for a moment.

Blinking, he says, "Her name is not important. All that matters is that I LOVE…" He breaks off in the middle of his sentence and runs over to Broccoli. Leaf says, "Hi."

Broccoli replies, "Hi."

Leaf says, "HI!"

This continues for about five minutes until the third person steps out of the shadows and clears his throat noisily. The shadow person then says, "Behold! I am the great Pine Cone! FEAR ME!"

Leaf walks over to Pine Cone and pokes him. Pine Cone stares in wonder for a moment before shouting his war cry, "SMEEGLE!" Pine Cone then return pokes Leaf.

Leaf stands there for a moment smiling and then suddenly breaks down crying, "Why did you do that?"

* * *

_Credit to Yunie for the poking part. Hi sis!_


	4. Pepsi, Pickle, and Locobo Lessons

Pepsi and Pickle had decided to take a honeymoon to the Mountain Dew factory. After touring for a while, Pickle's stomach begins growling.

Pickle looks at him with fear in her eyes. Pepsi growls louder than his stomach.

Pickle suggests that they should go to the restaurant. Pepsi growls and starts to walk away. Pickle runs up and catches Pepsi's furry arm.

Pepsi growls. Pickle hugs his arm to herself and says, "If we want to remain the besterest couple in Sporka, we must remain together. That's what you want, isn't it?"

Pickle looks pleadingly into Pepsi's eyes. Pepsi opens his mouth as if to speak for the first time, but is interrupted by Onion entering the factory singing Macho Man at the top of her lungs.

Onion notices Pepsi and runs over. She decides to try to win him back with the Barney theme song. "I love you. You love me. We're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too?"

Pepsi stares at Onion with his mouth hanging open. Pickle begins to cry.

Pepsi kneels down, so he is at the same height as Onion. He then kisses her on the tip of her nose.

Looking from Onion to Pickle. He speaks for the first time, "Needs salt."

Pepsi leads Onion off to go find some salt.

Pickle sits down and cries. She feels sad, alone, and cold. Then a mysterious old man comes along and hands her a pack of shoopuff crackers.

Pickle stares as the old man tells her that she can eat the pack of crackers to get one wish! She stares blankly as he teleports away.

A little Locobo hops up next to Pickle and clucks pitifully as if to say that he's hungry. Pickle looks at the pack of shoopuff crackers and then at the Locobo.

She dumps the contents out into her hands and says, "Are you hungry little Locobo?"

Pickle holds the shoopuff crackers up to the Locobo, and they're instantly eaten.

The Locobo glows green for a moment and then begins to talk. "You call those shoopuff crackers? Those are pitiful. I've had better crackers out of the dumpster on 5th street."

Pickle stares at the Locobo, not believing that it had just spoken.

The Locobo says, "Oh my gosh. I'm speaking. You understand me. Will you scratch my back?"

Pickle smacks her forehead and thinks to herself, "Why did I have to give my magic wish crackers to that chocobo?"


	5. Evil Monkey? I think not!

Macaroni was very happy that she was allowed to ride on Mustard's head. Unfortunately, she blocked Mustard's view and caused him to stumble around blindly while she screamed "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

After a while of Mustard's stumbling, Macaroni suddenly cries out, "Bunny! Ahhhh! It's coming right for us!"

Mustard becomes confused and runs straight for the bunny. He hits the side of the bunny.

The bunny opens its mouth, and the next thing that Macaroni and Mustard know, they're being eaten.

* * *

Leaf recovers from his crying. He walks over and smacks Pine Cone, which starts an all out slap fight between the two.

Broccoli sighs, still tied to the bunny's rib. He watches the fight and begins to think that maybe he should step up and do something.

Pine Cone pushes Leaf over and begins doing his victory dance.

Leaf sits on the ground staring up at Pine Cone with huge eyes.

Suddenly, Pine Cone's victory dance is interrupted by Macaroni crashing into him.

Pine Cone stares at Macaroni. Macaroni sits on top of Pine Cone and says, "Hi!" She gets a sad look on her face and then adds, "You're not a spleen."

Leaf stands up and screams, "Macaroni is my new arch nemesis!"

Broccoli speaks up, "Don't you mean hero?"

Leaf stares at Broccoli, "Hi Broccoli! When did you get here?"

Broccoli, totally annoyed with Leaf, smacks his own head against the bunny's ribs until he is knocked unconscious.

Macaroni runs over and pokes Broccoli. Mustard joins her.

Leaf stares in wonder and begins crying again, "This is my story! Everyone has to pay attention to me!"

Macaroni and Mustard look over at Leaf. As they stare, he begins to dance.

Pine Cone wakes up and whacks Leaf over the head with a shovel. Leaf falls over unconscious. Pine Cone says, "I am all mighty! Fear me!"

Macaroni looks at Mustard with fear in her eyes. She clings to his arm. Mustard whispers under his breath, "If only that evil monkey didn't live in my closet."

Macaroni looks at Mustard confused. Mustard says, "Well, he wasn't always evil. You see, he.."

Pine Cone shrieks at the top of his lungs, "Be quiet! I'm in charge here, and I say that you will tie up your friend, Leaf."

Macaroni thinks about that for a second and then asks, "Why?"

Pine Cone replies, "It'll be fun, and I'll give you a cookie."

Macaroni perks up at the mention of a cookie. She runs over and begins to tie Leaf up.

Mustard shouts, "Nooooooo!"

Pine Cone walks over and stands next to Mustard, "Hello Mustard."

Mustard smiles, "Hi."

Pine Cone hits him over the head with the shovel. Mustard falls over unconscious.

Macaroni runs over to Pine Cone, "I tied Leafy up all nice and pretty like you said. I even gave him a bow on his head." She smiles, pleased with herself.

Pine Cone gives Macaroni a cookie and then says, "Now that I have hostages, we shall go and get Lady Pickle. She will be mine!"


	6. How many cookies does it take to rule th...

Macaroni looks at Pine Cone, and asks, "Can I have more cookies?"

Pine Cone grins evilly, "As long as you stay my evil little helper, anything is possible."

Macaroni squeals with glee. She begins dancing. Pine Cone laughs evilly while finishing tying up Mustard.

Pine Cone begins his climb to the Bunny's brain where the movement controls were. He switched off auto pilot and set coarse for the mountain dew factory where it was rumored that Pepsi and Pickle were honeymooning.

* * *

Pickle screams at Locobo, "Why must you talk to ME! Me of all people. All I want is to have a nice honeymoon with my new husband, Pepsi."

Locobo looks at her sideways. Pickle begins to cry. Locobo says, "Another salt case?"

Pickle nods. Locobo says sympathetically, "I know how you feel. One time there was this snail and it was a really nice snail. We almost hooked up."

Pickle shouts, "Not that kind of salt case! Pepsi loves me! He always has! You know nothing, you evil little…"

Locobo rams into Pickle, knocking her out of the way of the rampaging Bunny that was heading right for them.

Pickle watches the Bunny run over Locobo and cries. Then she hears Pine Cone screaming in joy, "Direct hit!"

Pickle picks up a stick and shouts, "You shall pay for that!"

Pine Cone calls out to Macaroni to go get her cousin and he'd give her another cookie.

Macaroni appears outside the Bunny with the shovel and says, "Hi Pickley! You're gonna have to come with us. Good news is that I get a cookie!"

Pickle says, "Macaroni, if you join my side I'll give you two cookies."

Macaroni thinks for a moment as Pine Cone climbs out of the Bunny.

Macaroni then runs over and smacks Pine Cone with the shovel.

Pine Cone grabs the shovel away from her and throws her back into Pickle. "Tsk, tsk. Now we're playing two against one, eh? Well, I still have your friends."

Pine Cone runs and gets in the Bunny. The Bunny takes off running with Broccoli, Mustard, and Leaf inside.

Pickle curses. Macaroni cries.

Onion and Pepsi walk up, wearing Salt World shirts and hats. Pepsi growls. Onion says, "Did we miss something?"

Macaroni says, "Pine Cone took Mustard, Leaf and Broccoli away."

Onion says, "Who?"

Pickle says, "The guy you grew up with, your husband, and a legend."

Onion looks confused and says, "Oh, never heard of them."

Pepsi takes off his hat and puts it on Pickle's head.


	7. That's my sombrero!

_You may think to yourself while reading this: "What is the point of this chapter? Why did she write this? It makes no sense!" In response I say MWUAHAHAHA. Anyway, there is no point to this chapter. It's been a long time since I updated, so I decided to come back with a chapter like this. Enjoy!_

* * *

Pickle looks up at Pepsi with tear streaked cheeks. She looks at Locobo's body and mouths the words, "Why?" 

Pepsi looks at Locobo and says, "Go boom?"

Macaroni says, "Don't worry Pickley! I can fix this!" Macaroni runs over to Locobo's lifeless, ran over body, and begins dancing while screaming at the top of her lungs, "Resurrection dance!"

Pickle stares and tries to figure out what Macaroni is trying to do.

Macaroni stares at Locobo and tries to figure out why her dance isn't working, then she turns to Pickle.

Pepsi walks behind Macaroni and throws a phoenix egg at Locobo.

Locobo comes back to life. Pickle perks up at the sight of Locobo being alive again. She runs over to him, gives him a big hug, and says, "Oh Locobo! Never leave me again!"

Locobo looks at Pickle confused and chirps. Pickle stares blankly at Locobo.

Macaroni admires 'her handiwork' of bringing Locobo back to life, and says, "The magic crackers must have worn off."

Locobo pecks at Pickle's shoulder, which causes her to shriek. Locobo runs away.

Pickle begins to feel sad again, she loved Pepsi, but he was no Locobo. Pickle looks at Pepsi with tears in her eyes and says, "Let's go save our friends from the Bunny of Doom."

Macaroni stares at Pickle blankly and then says, "Goulash?"

Pepsi's ears perk up and he says, "Did someone say goulash?" Pepsi puts on a Mexican sombrero and does a hat dance.

Everyone watches Pepsi in awe.

Pepsi stops dancing suddenly and everyone stands there in silence for five minutes. Then Onion exclaims, "I have an idea! Let's go save our friends from the Bunny of Doom!"

Pickle nods approvingly and says, "Great idea! Why didn't I think of that?


	8. These Boots Were Made For Knocking Out M

Leaf wakes up inside the bunny, and looks around. He saw Mustard unconscious on the floor next to him and then shrieked, "Oh my god! Did I get drunk last night?" He then noticed that he was tied up and decided that made it all better.

Broccoli wakes up still tied to the bunny's ribs. He looks over at Leaf and then has a laughing fit. "Nice bow Leaf."

Leaf stares at Broccoli from his spot on the floor for a moment before responding, "Thanks for noticing. Macaroni gave it to me when I was asleep and have no memory of her doing it."

Broccoli stared at Leaf, "Wha-?" Leaf smiled and said, "I never realized how shiny your boots are before now." Leaf struggles to get one of his hands free from the rope that was used to tie him up, and then uses the newly freed arm to poke at Broccoli's boots.

Mustard suddenly shrieked, "Not another green crayon!" He rolled over and looked at Leaf and Broccoli who were both staring at him. Mustard started to explain, "I have a fear of green…" He noticed the bow on Leaf's head and screamed, "Bow!"

Leaf blinked a couple times and said, "Quick Broccoli! I have a plan to get us out of here. I need your boot."

Broccoli stared for a second and then lifted one of his feet up so that Leaf could remove it from his foot. Leaf grabbed the boot and then whacked Mustard over the head with it, causing Mustard to go back to the green crayon land of unconsciousness.

Leaf worked his other hand free and quickly untied himself. Holding Broccoli's shoe over his head, he ran around the room screaming, "Victory is mine!"

Leaf then ran smack into Pine Cone and knocked both of them unconscious.

Broccoli took advantage of the opportunity and began to get free himself. Once he was untied, he tied up Pine Cone and Leaf back to back.

Broccoli then ran up to the control room and set the bunny on course for Antartica. He then quickly jumped out of the bunny's ear as he watched it hop its way off to frozen land.


	9. Flaming Broccoli Makes the lipsick Happy

Little did Brocolli know that the Bunny could fly, and flying it was. At that very moment when Broccoli jumped out of the Bunny's ear, they were flying at 50 million feet above the very depth of the ocean.

For some reason beyond anyone's control, Broccoli also burst into flame. This saddened everyone who was unconscious.

Mustard suddenly woke up screaming, "AHHH FLYING BOOTS OF DOOM!" He then looked around and realized he was the only one awake.

Mustard unties himself quickly and crawls over to where Leaf and Pine Cone were tied back to back. He says, "Hmm. This could work."

He pulls a tube of lipstick out of Pine Cone's pocket exclaiming, "Aha! I was right! The cow did jump over the moon! Hay diddle diddle!"

He uncaps the lipstick and stands over both the unconscious men menacingly.

MEANWHILE

Pickle, Onion, Macaroni, and Pepsi sit there staring at each other.

Macaroni interrupts the ackward silence, "So, umm. We're going to go save the guys from their impending doom now?"

Onion runs over and throws her arms around Macaroni in an embrace and says, "Macaroni! When did you get here?"

Macaroni thinks for a moment before replying, "Tomorrow."

Onion replies, "Oh, ok. See you then!" Onion and Macaroni wave at each other before walking off in opposite directions.

Pickle watches in confusion, and then says to Pepsi, "I guess it's up to you and me to go rescue Mustard and Leaf."

Pepsi questions, "What about Broccoli?"

Pickle replies, "Everyone knows he's just a figment of Leaf's imagination. Plus, with his personality and the fact that he's been so smart so far combined, he's probably been taken care of already."

Pepsi nods, "I liked the part where I got a hat from Salt World."

Pickle said, "Let's go save our men!"

Pepsi replied, "And Bingo was his name-o!"


End file.
